Kaska said that it was a good thing that I hadn't read them yet. That it meant that I was happy right now and that they would be there when I needed to them to read. And then Harley asked what the point of writing them was if I wasn't going to read them.. idiot. But, as it so often happens to be, he was right. What was the point? I was scared. Afraid that when I opened them that I would be overwhelmed with emotions and ugly cry in front of everyone. And then I was afraid to open them on my own and ugly cry alone. And I thought that if I cried about it, it meant that I wasn't ready for this. That I wasn't ready to leave, that I wasn't ready to start again, that I wasn't ready to stop looking back. I sometimes wonder, still, whether it was me not being strong enough to stay, or more me being strong enough to leave. And I still don't know what is more true.Read More
Made it to the end of my first week!! And I'm kind of excited for tomorrow (Monday) already which is a weird feeling that I'm not sure when/if I have ever felt before.
So some things for life lately in this past week:
01 / Swedish people are literally the most chill people I have ever met. One of the girls told me on my first day over lunch that I will never be stressed in this job and I don't even know how to feel about that. Maybe this is what it's like when people have their priorities worked out right because this reflects in their working ways too so (so far) everyone is a dream to work with.
02 / I've finally mastered the use of a Wacom pad!! Agreed probably three years too late already since everyone seems so surprised that I've never used/had to use one but hey, better late than never. It took me a couple of days because holy hell, I've never felt so mentally challenged holding a pen in my hand before. I guess my sense of hand-eye-coordination is a little messy but now it's pretty magical.
03 / On my third day, the girls found an incomplete set of fake nails in the sample box with "Yam Yam" printed on them. No-one exactly knows why there were only four and for what reason or purpose of the choice of text but it concludes with the christening of my new studio nickname and it was like some weird welcome-to-the-family initiation.
04 / David Beckham is on my mousemat which I find both hilarious and a little odd that I am also the only one who seems to have this. Perhaps it's a newbie thing. He's been pushed to the corner of my table for now anyway since I no longer have a use for my mouse. My Wacom pad is my love and life of the job now and I have come to realise that doing actual design work with an actual computer mouse is just a sick joke.
05 / Any excuse for fika, which is perfectly fine by me. It's never been so easy to hide my inner fatness when Swedes all around are inviting me on sweet shop breaks (just around the corner to the office) and coffee and cake and seriously, there is a lot of candy here. On my first day alone, we had two fikas (!) which is obviously not the normal routine but I won't complain about that.
06 / There is free sparkling water on tap at the office.. Is there anything more to say?
A month and a half ago I was last here to consider (and be considered) relocating to one of my favourite places in the world and now it's been five days since I could officially call it my home. New home. Another home.
The last couple of months have been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster and there is nothing more cliché than that sentence, I know, but maybe there is a reason for that and for those last couple of months it was true. It's taken me six months, from the point of making the decision to get up and move to taking action to getting here now and still it was a surprise when I finally got the go ahead. You think and you overthink and daydream and hope and sometimes you feel like it's a never-ending cycle of digging and disappointment. And then when something finally happens.. well shit, something finally happened!Read More