"Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened every day and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breath in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes."
It's been a funny week. Mixed emotions and probably just super hormonal but I haven't looked forward to the weekend as much as I have this week. All the way since Monday! Which is annoying and odd because the weekend before I had had the best-slept nights since I've been here and I felt so ready for the week ahead. But then Monday happened and as it does, pooped on everything. I don't know, it was such a busy week but still a slow one in that sense. There were a couple more 'training' mornings, which are more just like induction mornings, and we were introduced to more departments of the company infrastructure and the roles of various jobs according to the product life cycle at ZARA. Some of it was cool to learn about but in the end it was pretty boring. And for the first few hours I had to run in and out for fittings with the patternmakers so I just felt all over the place. It was more of an escape. An excuse to sit away from all the work needing to be done - I was so tired on the second morning of this I just sat there completely spaced out and let the presentations wash over me. But then I also had the last 2 sessions of the fabric course* for one whole afternoon and a morning and it started to make me nervous about how much time I was actually spending away from work when there was so much to still be done.
* Most of us (in Womenswear, at least) have been taking part on a fabric course over four 4 hour sessions. We were all split into different groups, all mixed together with designers, buyers and even some product manager and so, being new, I was in the last group, for which our course only just finished this week. It felt like being at school again and we even got a certificate at the end! And it was just SO interesting. Like some things were crazy and mind-blowing and it was just such an overwhelming amount of information to take in. Like, the fact that proper quality cashmere (not found on the high street) is taken from cashmere goats that live in the Himalayas and the only place they are shaved for the hair is their BEARD. Like, their tiny tiny BEARDS. Seriously, this is real stuff.
Oh oh! FUN FACT : on November 11th (11.11) China celebrate National Singles Day (!) and so ZARA gift them with a 50% off sale!! This is a very real thing, apparently. So why do we only have a day to celebrate couples and then not one for singles? It makes no sense, you know, and it's so ironic in our age of all the #selflove thing trending all over the place.
After wishing for Friday to come sooner, this morning was really not the best of mornings. I had phone bill problems and then it led to bank problems and then obviously, just ending in general money problems and it all culminated in a meltdown with HR. Everything was kind of ok in the end - some things were made clear again and others I just tried to fix at lunch. And some things left kind of unresolved but who the fuck cares anymore. And then I remembered that today is Friday 13th and so I guess it figures. All these years of not being paranoid or superstitious about this day and of course, when I forget about it, here come all the butts of life pooping on everything when it's not even Monday.
Well tonight I went to the local theatre again with Jess, this time to see a contemporary dance show. It was the best thing I could have gone to after this week. The sweetest ending. I mean I've just come back now and I feel so relaxed - watching it was like doing yoga without the effort and still getting all the calming benefits. Basically win-win.
Ok but now I need ice cream. Maybe some cake too.